Ambien. No doubt about it.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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