Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
