I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
