Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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