Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize