she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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