You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The feeling are messing with the penis
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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