Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
