Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
