I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
