R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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