i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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