How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
