He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
