The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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