I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
