dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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