Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
