Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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