The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
