Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
