My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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