I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
