I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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