I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
