at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
