Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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