Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So here I am, sexting at work.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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