I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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