doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
