you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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