What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
