Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
