I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
