how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
