Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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