so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
