ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
