Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
