What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
