You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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