I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
