Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
