They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
