using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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