Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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