is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
People in love make me want to vomit
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
