u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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