Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
