they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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