I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize