he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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