i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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