JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
