You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
