you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
