I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize