I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
