Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just cropdusted the office
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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