Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
