Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
