I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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