I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
