whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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