I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
