Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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