Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
