apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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