I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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