My sheets look like a crime scene.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
