I puked a lego.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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