i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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