just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
