At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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