dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
