I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
