Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
