you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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