Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
