end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
