My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
