I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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