remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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