we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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