I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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